Three things

Scattered thoughts


I’ve been trying to study in school this week in an attempt to get my revision on track. Two consecutive days so far, which I feel is in itself an accomplishment because school is truly a wretched place, but my revision is plodding along like a limp buffalo across a muddy paddy field. Credit to how my papers are actually a week later than usual, meaning I have more time to procrastinate, and obviously I am going to take advantage of this and succumb to inertia until this time next week when I feel like the whole world is crushing down on me and I will regret everything. But that’s next week’s problem.


It’s happening again. I’m feeling like a piece of crap again. It sucks and I want to curl up into a ball and cry, except no one will really care so I’m not solving anything by just being an emotional mess. I thought I was better than this, and then I see these non-stop updates about other people’s celebrations – of success, of friendship, of generally everything I don’t have. What am I doing wrong? How can it be that it is almost three years but I am at a worse place than where I started.

I don’t want to become that person, but I can feel my skin and bones morphing and meandering into that.





Weekend Update

  1. I met the nicest lady in the Starbucks queue on Friday. She had a one for one coupon that was expiring on that day itself so she offered me a free drink, and repeatedly rejected my offer to pay her (which was further compounded by the fact that I actually had no cash on me). Dear stranger, thank you so much and I definitely will pass forward your kindness to someone else one day!
  2. I really want to try the new Macs Korean-style burger purely because I heard it’s spicy as hell and I am an absolute sucker for that. My parents refused to take me to a Macs, which I now realise is a weird statement to make for a 21 year old, but you need to know that it is deeply satisfying to have your parents buy you junk food (and those special seasonal burgers aren’t cheap).
  3. Met up with the squad girls today. It has been about a year since I’ve seen them, and  Nut attempted to start a let’s-go-round-the-table-and-share-some-life-updates session which was a glorious failure because there wasn’t really much to say apart from inane internship stories and my general ability to piss people off by flaking when I get too busy with school (which is a story for another day). Was nice and soothing to see familiar faces; it’s a comforting presence that I wish I’d get more of, but as the years go by I start to realise it might be a luxury I can’t afford (because of my crushing social ineptness in school). If you girls see this, I miss you all and I am already looking forward to our next meet up!!

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I clearly missed the memo (or I was just v happy to see them)

Borough Market


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Our penultimate stop in London – Borough Market. We read about a couple of markets (this, Camden, Portobello, Brick Lane, the last of which QJ recommends for quirky, hipster-y items) but I’m glad Borough can be called my first London market experience because it is food haven.

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All the baked stuff looked and smelt like heaven but they were a bit too pricey for me……..

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Yes!!! So glad I managed to try these here. A bit salty but still delicious nonetheless.

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Our second drink of the day. I drank like a queen at Borough Market – had the yummiest masala chai first, followed by a cup of mocha from this little stall. I don’t know if it was what chocolate they used (raw cacao?) or how they made their coffee, but hands down the best mocha I had in my life.

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More goodies that I’d eat if I had the money (and the calories) to spare

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Oysters at £2.50 each. Oh it was so good….

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First encounter with sea urchin… tasted seafood-y but I didn’t hate it, and I definitely can go for it again. This was £3 if I remember correctly.

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So pleased I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

Letting go

Thinking about things

Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.


It has been just about 2 weeks since the competition, one week since I came back. Honestly, it was only 9 days, but I can feel bits and pieces of me left behind in every nook and corner, both physically (i.e. my red scarf in that random club in Oxford, our bundle of authorities in my room, my scissors in Zurich Airport) and emotionally, the latter of which I really need to deal with instead of going through this vicious cycle of anger > pain > upset > anger at being upset.

I’ve properly talked to whomever I feel I can talk to, who specifically are: my parents, and maybe 2 or 3 friends in school. So that’s a lot of people, by my standards. I didn’t really manage to establish anything properly after those conversations; everyone tells me that this is a decision I have to make myself. But fuck, what stupid advice is that? If I could make that decision that easily on my own I wouldn’t be asking you and being so wishy-washy about this.

(If you are said friend who said this to me and you are reading this, I am sorry. I totally get where you come from and I am pretty sure I would say the same thing if I was in your shoes.)

Nonetheless, after a few attempts at making a pros/cons list in my head, I’ve made the decision, which happens to concurrently end 3 other decisions I made in the earlier few months of this year. And it’s only March.

So you see, a lot can change in a couple of months.

London Tube Stops: A Collection


I actually took many pictures on this trip, because I was so mad at myself for not taking enough the previous time I went there. But there’s quite a fair bit to sieve through, including some remarkably unglamorous ones with my face in them that do not need to exist on the public domain of the Internet. Instead, I made it a point to try and take as many photos of the various Tube stations we visited, and while I am sure I didn’t get all, here are the ones I managed to capture:

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“Please look after this bear, thank you” aka the first stop we were at after arriving in London

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Probably a transit station between Paddington & King’s Cross, where we were staying

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LOL shittiest attempt at a photo – this was on our first night in London. I vaguely remember we decided on Covent Garden because of a rooftop bar there but there was a line of very well dressed people at the entrance (and a bouncer, complete with a cover charge) so we noped our way out of there and just walked around the area for a bit (discovered a few theatres – Mathilda, Mamma Mia, Lion King!!! inter alia) and settled on a nice cocktail bar (1 for 1 cocktails, £9? Yes please).

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Aforementioned cocktail bar
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Day 2 in London!

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This was the result of a directional mistake. We made a wrong turn while trying to get ourselves to King’s Cross, and wound up walking to Russell Square which was the next station along the line. Oh well, we managed to get there.

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Our day 2 itinerary was quite half-baked even as we stepped out of our airbnb. From Russell Square we took the tube down to Leceister Square (ah, here’s one station I didn’t get a photo of) to get tickets for The Book of Mormon. After that we walked down to Trafalgar Square, then to Westminster and the Big Ben.

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Westminster Abbey (which we didn’t go in because entry fee)

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En route to our roast duck lunch! Westminster > Bond Street (to change lines) > Queensway

2017-03-20 15.31.45 We were originally going for Goldmine, but 1) New Fortune Cookie was literally right next to the Tube exit, 2) we were kinda hungry, 3) it was raining, so…



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Probably transited in Waterloo on our way back from Westminster to King’s Cross. We spent the afternoon at Buckingham Palace (or rather, the entrance of it, with someone constantly calling out “Kate~ Kaaate~” like he was her long lost betrothed), then some park near Buckingham to see ducks and pigeons and swans and pelicans




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Honestly, there is nothing to do in London past 5pm except to eat, drink and be merry. We were recommended to go to Angel, which was just one station down from King’s Cross, where apparently there were a lot of cool bars. So we were obviously expecting Clarke Quay levels of vibes but we forgot this was a Monday night, and the streets were kind of very dead. We did wind up in a cool bar with similar 1 for 1 cocktails which were really yummy so okay lar I forgive you London

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Aforementioned bar which had naked ladies on the ceiling so you know the place is legit

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This is the only one I caught on Day 3, which is probably expected because we did a hell lot of walking, in an attempt to save money (Tube isn’t cheap…) and maybe to soak in as much of London as possible. So we walked from our airbnb to the British Museum, then down to Piccadilly Circus/Soho where I met up with QJ, then walked from Soho to Oxford Street to go check out Primark before we took the Tube from there back to Piccadilly Circus to catch The Book of Mormon!!!


British Museum: Outside


British Museum: Inside

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Thank Eebowai we watched this! Andrew Rannells will forever have my heart as Elder Price because I’ve pretty much memorised the OBC recording but this was such a good cast and show nonetheless :’)

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Day 4. I know… this picture doesn’t count. We only had the morning before we had to head to Heathrow around 3pm so we went down to Borough Market and the London Bridge, but I forgot to capture the station (London Bridge). This was on our train ride to Heathrow, which took about an hour. The tube wasn’t too crowded so it was a relatively comfy ride, and it got scenic once we left zones 1 and 2 (possibly even 3) where the Tube was no longer underground.

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I’ve gone on much longer than expected about the London Tube, but this was a nice way to remember the trip. One of the first few things R said to me on our first few tube rides was that we might bump into Brit actors because they are quite commonly spotted on the Tube, but we weren’t that lucky. I’d give up my firstborn to meet Eddie Redmayne…… (I watched Fantastic Beasts on the flight back and I now have a lot of feelings about Newt Scamander okay)



So it is currently 5.55am and I can’t for the love of God go back to sleep (jet lag, body clock et al) so I’m going through my photos on my phone and here are some highlights without my face in them. Managed to weave in some sightseeing in between/after the competition but most of the photos are really just taken while we were out and about getting ourselves fed. Trust the Great Britain to make walking along the street picturesque.

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First meal after we landed (and the start of these breakfasts for the next 10 days)

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Oblig Radcliffe Camera photo

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Pembroke College, where we stayed. Very fancy, very old, very different from what I’m used to.

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Fruits because health is wealth………. who am I kidding. I actually got sick again and I need to go see the doctor later today

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Ice cream!!!

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Final meal in Oxford where I had the only scone on this entire trip (which tasted lacklustre and  I could get better ones from Four Leaves).

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Bridge of Sighs

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Some random acquaintances lol k no the 3 people who kept me semi-sane (while successfully driving me crazy) during this trip

drink more fluids

Scattered thoughts

T-7 days to our flight out and I am feeling very unsettled (surprise, surprise) for several reasons, but at the top of that list is this ridiculous sore throat that decided to plague me over past few days. I tried being a warrior over the weekend, thinking I’m infallible, I’ll let my amazing immune system fix this and prove Darwin right. 

This culminated into a severe coughing fit at the breakfast table this morning and the mother launching into a lecture on my inadequate water consumption. Since then I’ve seen the doctor, taken 3 different little pills and jugged down 3 bottles worth of water. All in all a good day and I should be on my road to recovery, if not the road to the washroom (again).