Hold me in this wild, wild world

Things I did, Thinking about things

It’s the last Friday night of summer; school starts this coming Monday. I’m sitting here at the dining table, listening to Queen (Greatest Hits II) and half-trying to do some readings (Corporate Crime, which is really just a bamboozle of big words like “Fraud”…. “Stock manipulation”… “Falsification of accounts” et al), half-reading inane articles on Facebook.

So yes, I am very happening. I also ate another packet of Oreo minis.

I’m also severely distracted because I have not been coping well with post concert depression after Bastille’s gig that happened 4 days ago. I thought I’d be over it by now, because I am a Mature Adult™ who can attend one concert, enjoy herself during the 90 minute set, buy some merch, then go home and move on with life. Well I didn’t buy any merch because they didn’t have the specific item I wanted, and because it was $50 for a t-shirt, $25 for a tote bag. Yeah…. no.

I also have zero ability in grasping the concept of moving on, because I keep getting drawn back into their songs, videos and other generally unproductive things (i.e. the Bastille tag on Tumblr). I have a newfound appreciation for every single track off Wild World, I find new meanings in each lyric… it’s heartwarming, but at the same time extremely unhelpful for someone starting school in 3 days.

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This was my second time hearing the lads live; 2015 seem like a distant memory, though I do remember odd specifics of their first show in Singapore. Dan wore a t-shirt I didn’t really like and his hair was a little messed up because he had been wearing a cap on and off. He introduced These Streets as his favourite song off Bad Blood; Eunice and I flailed because that was my favourite song too (childish, I know, but we were young and very much in love with their music, forgive us). We weren’t familiar with the band, and I didn’t know all the songs. But I’ve been to other shows before, and I had a sensing Dan felt awkward performing live. He didn’t keep his eye on the same spot for long, he moved around a lot, his dancing was adorably bad (and I say this as a big fan of his), and his little snippets of words between songs were just one notch above mumbling. But when he sang, it was surreal. A genuine sincerity bleeds through his sounds only matched by his vocal abilities. He howled where he had to, he went high for the extra oomph. Together with the pulsing drums and guitars and keys, it was a revelation.

We came out of the Coliseum overwhelmed, partially by the heat but more by the fact that we heard some of our absolute favourite songs, these same songs that accompanied us when we studied, when we were on the commute, being performed by our favourite band right in front of our eyes. It’s like, they sang these songs. They are real.

That was in January 2015; we were in our first year. Fast forward 2 years, and I’m now in my final year of law school. When I now hear the opening lines of Pompeii, it almost feels like a passive aggressive jab at me and some of my badly made life choices. It’s trite law that things, including myself, change over time, so I found solace in some things that didn’t:

  • Dan’s dancing (still adorably bad, but getting less bad, and actually pretty funky),
  • My ability to remember lyrics to songs I hadn’t heard in a while, even if I can’t remember a case name I read some 20 minutes ago, and
  • How good it feels to lose yourself to the reverie of music.

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The stage seemed bigger this time around, or maybe this was because I was closer. Dan seemed steadier, more sure of himself, he even took song requests (played the wrong version though……… still waiting for WOL part 1). The people around me seemed nicer. There was this rabid girl in front of us who made signs for what seems like every single Bastille song, she was hysterical, her hair was flying everywhere. It was pretty sweet.

I still didn’t know all the songs, but the songs I knew, they were perfection. Warmth is my favourite off Wild World – the first verse is just depressing, but the chorus is redeeming. It’s as though you are being enveloped in a nice, long hug for those few lines, and you can sense the calm amongst an urgent storm.

And when I heard it live, the warmth settled in my stomach and for a second there all my problems dissipated.

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I never really gave this much thought until now, but the act of listening to music is actually a pretty intimate affair. Especially when everyone is plugged into their earphones, it is a stranger’s voice being fed into your ears with no barriers in between. With my levels of anxiety, I would feel so self-conscious if I was a musician. But I’m so glad Bastille decided to be, because their songs are some of the best things to reverberate in my ears, drowning out so many other terrible things.

You guys will never see this, but thank you so much for your music. It really soothes.

(Well. This turned out way longer than expected.)

Apaki on toast

Scattered thoughts

Sometimes you do some things you regret. Yesterday, I made a cup of hot chocolate right about dinnertime (planned on having that as dinner), but before I had a chance to drink it, I received a phone call and engaged in a phone conversation that got me feeling guilty about making the hot chocolate.

I poured the hot chocolate down the toilet and washed the cup.

Today, I was in midst of having my dinner at a Greek deli — Apaki on toast, was grossly overpriced and had way too much vinaigrette added to its salad — when I received a message from a friend about a piece of news I had not been mentally prepared to deal with. Nothing to do with said friend, but more of my own stunted emotional maturity in dealing with my own feelings.

It got me upset and I couldn’t even deal with the remainder of the Apaki nonsense, except I couldn’t dump this down the toilet (it was $15++) so I shoved the rest of the meat into my mouth while trying to repress those horrible thoughts that always haunt me.

Things I learnt after watching one episode of KUWTK

Inane
  • These people live in gargantuan houses. It’s mind-blowing.
  • This is an episode where the three sisters decided to take a road trip together just to spend some nice sister-bonding time which is actually pretty sweet except nobody else has the damn time to go “oh I got nothing better to do on this random day of the week, let me just rent a gorgeous vintage Chevy and go on a road trip with my siblings, it’s not like I need to work for a living or anything”
  • There are dinosaurs on Californian highway roadsides???Screen Shot 2017-08-07 at 9.18.29 pm.png
  • “Trust the process.”
  • Can we go back to talk about their houses?
  • When Khloe got ignored by her two sisters, she decides to talk to (get ready for this) Cornelius, her younger brother Rob’s imaginary friend.
  • I just googled and Khloe Kardashian is 33 years old.Screen Shot 2017-08-07 at 9.23.52 pm.png
  • I’d like to think I am the Kourtney of the 3 sisters, but really…….. I am Khloe.

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Home is where I belong with you

Thinking about things

It’s been 4 days since I’ve been back from my 3 week (self-proclaimed) sabbatical in Myanmar. 3 weeks seem like a short time on hindsight, and even more so when compared to how long it’s been since the last time I went back — 3 years — but during the 19 days there, time passed so slowly my skin crawled.

Since the last time I went back (2014), a few things have changed. Yangon now has an international airport terminal. Several of my cousins have babies, thus I am now an auntie, and yes, I do not approve of being called that. I’ve grown; from a clueless 19 year old waiting to start uni with an unfortunate-looking haircut to a still-clueless-but-faking-it 22 year old equipped with longer hair, 3 years’ worth of law school BS skills and a penchant for matte lipsticks.

Going back is always a traumatic experience because I am inept at speaking both Burmese and general social mumbo-jumbo, so I could never quite retaliate in time if a relative says something ignorant/rude/passive-aggressive/stupid. I would like to think the BS skills I’ve cultivated in law school has alleviated a bit of this problem, and there is truly no greater satisfaction than when you get to correct your aunt’s misconception towards your future career (context: if you tell people in Myanmar that you study Law you are better off telling them you are Satan’s spawn).

My mantra was essentially: breathe, SH, it’s your life, not theirs. Then I smile at them and continue eating my lunch.

I’ve also brought back, as a souvenir for myself, enough mosquito bites to feed the mosquito equivalent of a small African village. My legs, frankly, look disgusting. The term I have settled on is a skinned pineapple — and despite what a certain someone said about it being fresh and juicy (and if you are reading this, yes, it was smooth), my current leg situation is really not a sight for sore eyes.

So you can only imagine my relief and exhilaration when I landed back on Singapore soil, and saw my mom sitting in Changi Airport McDonald’s waiting for me. I’ve never been more glad to be able to order food in English, to be able to drive on safe roads where the red light is not regarded as a mere suggestion to stop, and to be able to feel comfortable. I was never, and probably will never, be comfortable in Myanmar.

Trekking/Tripping up Mt Batur

Things I did, Travelogue

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It takes a 2 hour trek to get to the top of Mt Batur, past loose rocks and slippery black lava sand. I fell on my ass a couple of times. It wasn’t exactly easy, but it wasn’t impossible either. What kept me going was sheer determination to get to the top and to prove that I was able to.

And one perk of trekking in the wee hours of the morning is the sky full of stars. Urgh, it was gorgeous.

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Ibid, after the sun came up. The climb was tough, but the view from the top was worth it.

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Aforementioned loose rocks and slippery black lava sand.

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The climb down was exponentially easier, but that was because we took a longer, gentler route.

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Trekked through a forest as well, which made a nice change of scenery.

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Made it back down!

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Hella amazing experience, I’m so glad I did this. Bonus was that my ego was boosted by our trekking guide who asked if I trekked before — “nope, this is my first time” — because I was strong and doing quite well. My treadmill tortures have paid off!!

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Mt Batur and Lake Batur from another vantage point (this was a pretty steep climb too, but done in the comfort of our rental car, so it wasn’t so bad).

Andy Warhol drew a penis to be sent to the moon

Things I did

On Tuesday, I went to the ArtScience Museum with Ding which was significant because 1. this was the third time I proper left the house since finals ended, and also because 2. I hadn’t seen her in close to 6 months.

It hasn’t been long since I last stepped into a museum but I almost forgot how much I loved these places. We went for Future World (pretty but a little too peripheral) and the current one called The Universe and Art, which I really enjoyed because I am a fan of astronomy even if I don’t know much about it.

I also recently acquired an iPhone 7 so the novelty of live photos have not yet died on me. I turned some of them into gifs and now my photos move a la those newspapers in Harry Potter!

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Ding dong merrily on high!

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Once, when I was at a similar exhibition on astronomy, I saw an armillary sphere that modelled Ptolemy’s world system. Fresh off the heels of a complete setback and longing for some signs from the universe, I came across this:

This armillary sphere is constructed according to the world system described by the ancient mathematician Ptolemy. The earth is at the centre of the universe, surrounded by the great circles of the heavens, with the sun’s path represented by the broad band covered with the signs of the zodiac. Ptolemy’s model could account for all the movements of the heavens observable with the naked eye and his description of the universe was maintained for 2,000 years.

In 1543, the Polish astronomer Nicolaus Copernicus proposed a model of the universe with the sun at the centre, challenging the Ptolemaic model’s dominance. Shakespeare’s generation came of age in a world where, if the earth could move, perhaps anything could be challenged. 

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Looking forward to our next day out which hopefully will not be in another 6 months x