I’ve been trying to study in school this week in an attempt to get my revision on track. Two consecutive days so far, which I feel is in itself an accomplishment because school is truly a wretched place, but my revision is plodding along like a limp buffalo across a muddy paddy field. Credit to how my papers are actually a week later than usual, meaning I have more time to procrastinate, and obviously I am going to take advantage of this and succumb to inertia until this time next week when I feel like the whole world is crushing down on me and I will regret everything. But that’s next week’s problem.
It’s happening again. I’m feeling like a piece of crap again. It sucks and I want to curl up into a ball and cry, except no one will really care so I’m not solving anything by just being an emotional mess. I thought I was better than this, and then I see these non-stop updates about other people’s celebrations – of success, of friendship, of generally everything I don’t have. What am I doing wrong? How can it be that it is almost three years but I am at a worse place than where I started.
I don’t want to become that person, but I can feel my skin and bones morphing and meandering into that.